Dared to Grow / Thank you

       There were a lot of things that happened from last October to now. And I feel like sense that time has passed I've learned so much that not a single teacher in the world could ever teach me the things that you all have taught me. When I was called to sit in that chair on testing day and tell my story as to how I got here I wanted to say so much, but my emotions got the best of me so I said the things that I felt like would sum up why I am where I am today. Why am I here?
         When I was five or six ( I can't remember ) I wanted to join a sport and my mom agreed with me so we set out looking for... a sport. I tried ballet ( lasted for one week or two before I left ), tried gymnastics ( lasted less than a week, ( I remember it being three days or four before I left) and I think I did a basketball camp for a week, but didn't continue with it further. Some way or another we found out that there were tae-qwan-doe classes upstairs in Hawthorne Farm. My mom signed me up and the next thing I knew I was in my very first class with my hands up and learning how to kick. My very first instructor was a Mrs. ( her name slips out of my mind at the moment ) and her two kids and some other students... maybe about a good ten of us or so. After awhile Jacob and Chandler joined.
            I think about a good few months or so went by and all we were doing in class was the same thing everyday. I remember we would stretch with some kicks, do forms and earn one stripe on our belt once a month. By the time I got to yellow belt I was starting to get uninterested and wanted to leave the martial arts. I told my mom and she told me to stay with it and if things didn't change after another few weeks or so I could stop. But the next week ( some time close after I wanted to stop ) SBN walked in through the workout room doors. I remember this scene so clearly. I  remember SBN walking through the doors and just walking around and watching us. ( I kicked higher then usual and tried my best to stay balanced )
            I blink and we're at the corner of the gym, I blink and we move into our own building, I blink we expand that building, I blink we move into a bigger building. I blink we expanded that building and I blink and now we're here. Every time we moved or expanded, my connection to Aim High is stronger, my connection to my team mates and teachers have grown unbelievably strong. But what I love so much about our school is that we connected to other schools, connected with other martial artists, improved our state of minds and attitude and we learned how to set goals, treat each other with respect, had fun, learned something new each day and some how we meshed together into a family.
             But when an event in my life changed my perspective of martial arts, that's when it clicked as to why I want to continue with this. My dad was attacked in front of my own eyes by someone I never knew. When this event happened I saw one reason why I wanted to continue. I wanted to learn how to protect the people that I loved and how to protect myself.
              What does getting my Black-belt mean to me? Everything. What does being faster than a Lamborghini mean? It means I can go beyond my limits in whatever it is I am doing.
           
              My family has supported me so much that I could never repay them. You guys ( and gals :) have supported me so much that I may never be able to repay you. YOU have all influenced me to be a better person, YOU influence me to go above and beyond my limits. YOU should be as proud as I am to call YOU my teammate and instructor for DARE TO DREAM. I am so proud of each and every single one of you. Thank you all for being my mentors, teammates and extended family. Thank you.

    - Z0E       

Is everyone done?

I'm just kinda wondering where all the "I'm nervous," "i'm ready," etc. blogs are from all of you...especially the 1st degree candidates. This is the final week. You have got to be feeling something...and even if you've completed your 40 entries, that doesn't mean you still shouldn't write (this is #41 for me).

CGN Taylor and I are the only ones who wrote anything about conditioning day. I know that CGN Jessica posted all of the videos, but are you all leaving it at that? I want to know what you went through from your own perspective that day.

Write about your thoughts, feelings, physical state, anything and everything.

I'm nervous. I'm not sure if I'm ready. Everything feels awkward for me after having that boot on for so long, and now I've got it off and can finally practice more, but it feels different. Any kind of spinning move in the forms, I have to hobble through and I'm sure it looks horrible. Kicking with my left leg is out--i don't have the muscle tone anymore to maintain proper balance, and at this point I can't pivot on my right foot. I actually tweaked it a little moving sideways in a horse stance while doing palgwe 4 with Boy Sam.

this is the most annoying and maddening injury I've ever had. However, tonight and tomorrow my plan is to review all of the curriculum as I plan to present it on testing day. I hope to see many of you out there as well.

Promise Less, Deliver More

"You are tempted to take on too much today and might feel discouraged later on, once you realize that you can't complete everything you started. Thankfully, the solution is rather simple: be more cautious prior to making a commitment. It's a good idea to begin a project slowly and pick up speed as you go along. It's always better to promise less and deliver more."

The message above is my horoscope for the day. I don't necessarily put a lot of stock into horoscopes, but sometimes I read one and it just makes sense; not in the predicting the future part, but in the philosophical way. Tonight, the statements listed above hit home. After we were done with rehearsal, I was trying to modify my open form, and i got rather frustrated. Not being as mobile hinders my ability to perform it the way I had planned, and now I feel like I have to recreate it completely.

KJN actually suggested that I do something requiring less movement than an open form, such as demonstrating how I can break boards from a chair again. I'm honestly not sure what I want to do. I see the physical therapist tomorrow, and I'm hoping for good news. I'm swollen and sore after running through the intro tonight, but I know it's something I'm just going to have to deal with until this week is over. It doesn't feel as unstable as it did a week ago (Molly's advice worked well), and I'm feeling positive that I will be in my brace by end of the week, but not certain: promise less, deliver more. Normally I don't live my life by that statement, however right now it seems like the smart thing to do. :o)

"What did you do yesterday?"

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. I really wanted to go on that hike with all of you, and it was extremely difficult for me to watch all of you walk away without me. I had to take a few minutes to regain my composure, and even after that it was hard for me to think positive for a while. I spent most of the drive from where we dropped you off to the Bagby trail-head thinking about how much I was missing. I know all of you went through a lot, and I am very sad that I had to miss the experience.

Today, CGN Taylor asked me what I did while you guys were on the hike, and tonight I've decided to share my experience from yesterday.

When we got to Bagby I got out of the durango and started down the trail with everyone else. About twenty steps in, BKJN got on the radio and told KJN that my job was to wait with all of the vehicles and make sure no one messed with the trailer and stuff. I was kind of irritated...I knew it was going to take me a while to get up the trail, and I didn't see any reason why I needed to stay behind--everything was locked up.

So I hobbled angrily back to the durango and sat there for a little while just listening to the radio chatter from everyone heading up the trail. Soon, however, they were out of range, and I was alone with my thoughts. First, I imagined myself out there on the trail with all of you, and thought to myself what a wuss I was being for not sucking it up and hiking the trail...I felt irritated at myself for listening to good advice and resting my injury.

After a series of self-negative thoughts I realized that I needed to change my state of being if I wanted to have a successful day. I decided to make a video blog which I'll be posting soon--that cleared my head enough to realize I had a great opportunity to prepare myself for next Saturday. I got out the curriculum (which I brought with me on a hunch that I might have time to look through it), and I started visualizing EVERY move...even a simple down block in a front stance. After imagining myself going through all of the forms, kickboxing curriculum, kicking combos, and more, BKJN Dan finally came out of the trail entrance alone. At that point, I finally realized he wanted me to be alone and reflect more on what i was thinking and feeling. I am glad he ordered me to stay behind.

I was feeling much more positive, and ready to get started on the trail. I started up as many of the coaches were on their way back down, and I met up with Molly. She decided to walk back up with me, and off we went. The walk up the trail was two hours of hobbling, stopping to take a quick rest, and me denying persistent offers for help from Molly. I was rather cold because I could not move very fast. Walking on the uneven ground was painful, as it caused my boot to twist around in awkward directions. Going downhill was extremely difficult and a little scary. I was very determined to make it all the way up without using my crutches, and denied the suggestion from Molly many times. (She was very patient with how stubborn I was being.) However, after an hour of the uneven rocky ground, my ankle was throbbing and in a lot of pain--I finally decided to start using the crutches. This is when I realized that trying to go on the hike with all of you would have been a very stupid decision.

I crutched the rest of the way to the spot where we had the fire walk, and kept my foot off the ground. Throughout the trail, we were passed multiple times by BKJN, KJN, and the coaches. I felt like I was never going to get there. I did not want to stop and rest or slow down, despite the encouragement from Molly to do so--if I stopped, I didn't know if I could convince myself to keep going. After a while, we met up with BSBN Cory who walked the rest of the way with us, offering added support. When I finally got to the picnic table two hours after I started, i was so ready for an ice pack and lunch, but I was still being stubborn, and Molly, Chelsey, and Cory had to convince me to sit down and let them help me.

After lunch and some ice, it was time to condition. BSBN Cory put me through an intense upper body workout...we actually used the gallons of oil as weights, and the picnic table for plyo-push-ups, dips, and more. The combination of crutching up the trail, and the upper body workout that Cory designed for me has left me extremely sore in my arms, lats, back, and abs. I told him I wanted to make sure I was working as hard as all of you, and he came up with all sorts of grueling exercises for me to go through. I started off alone...a little awkward at first with an audience of people I knew, as well as passers-by who seemed a little confused. However, Chelsea and Jenalyn jumped in and started working out with me, becoming my team for the activity.

I rested a little after the workout, and then decided to walk around and look at the hot springs with Daniella, Chelsea, and Jenalyn. Unimpressed, we walked back to the picnic area to find that Danny Pharr had shown up. We chatted for a short while, and then I got started directing everyone in getting the site ready for when you all got there. In order to modify the requirement for the day, I was given the responsibility of helping BKJN make sure the firewalk went well. The day before yesterday, I helped him secure firewood, gather other supplies, and get extra food for anyone who may not have brought enough. Yesterday, I directed the coaches who came along in clearing the picnic table for your arrival, clearing the fire-site for Danny to rake, and helping get the wood ready to burn.

You all showed up shortly after we had finished preparing the firewood and lit a small fire to keep warm. The fire-walk was amazing, and the things we discussed and the commitments we made had me thinking a lot about what more I can do to improve the world. The wheel barrow ride down the trail was a little embarrassing at first, but I soon got over that as I realized how much BSBN Cory, BSBN Kevin, CGN Christopher, and soon-to-be CGN Darius care for my well-being. Because of their efforts, I got down that trail in the dark without risk of further injury.

On the way home last night, I realized something important: my test was just as hard as yours. I know you all walked a half marathon and went through a lot together, but I went through my test without you, and I think that made it just as challenging. We have trained together for 9 months--we have done many challenging things with each other, and given each other support. Yesterday, I didn't have all of you to rely on. I did have others, but they were not my team, they are not testing next weekend, and they have not shared what we have shared. I appreciate everything they did for me, and it did help me get through the day, but it was not the same as having all of you surrounding and supporting me with the sense of camaraderie that develops when a group of people have accomplished what we have as a team.

I am very proud of all of you for what you did yesterday. I am also proud of myself.

Time is Now

Yesterday was conditioning and it was awesome. Even though I was sick, I was able to make it through and like KJN said: If one person fails, everyone fails because we are a team. I was so tired last night, we got home at 10:30 and I crashed until 9:00 this morning!! That is the latest I've ever slept in. Today is pedicures! I feel a lot better today (minus the aches and pains of walking/running 15 miles). I couldn't have done it without the rest of the team. Thank you to Jessica and Brandy for helping me through with my illness. Thank you to Sarah and Zoe for encouraging me to keep going and not taking pity on me. Thank you Devon and Melissa for going slow all the way up with me. Thank you Noah, Chandler and Darius for making me laugh. It really helped me believe in myself knowing that my team was there with me and supporting me. All the way up I kept telling myself, "I'm not going to be the one that ruins it for everyone" and I wasn't. After lunch I felt much better and I kept up with the rest of the kids and John on the way down. The videos that Jessica took can only begin to describe this adventure we went on. I think it was a great bonding event that made us a stronger team. There is no more waiting, testing week has come and the long trained for October is finally here. Go Dare to Dream!!!!!!

Video 21 Triumphant Return

Video 20 - We are down...