"What did you do yesterday?"

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. I really wanted to go on that hike with all of you, and it was extremely difficult for me to watch all of you walk away without me. I had to take a few minutes to regain my composure, and even after that it was hard for me to think positive for a while. I spent most of the drive from where we dropped you off to the Bagby trail-head thinking about how much I was missing. I know all of you went through a lot, and I am very sad that I had to miss the experience.

Today, CGN Taylor asked me what I did while you guys were on the hike, and tonight I've decided to share my experience from yesterday.

When we got to Bagby I got out of the durango and started down the trail with everyone else. About twenty steps in, BKJN got on the radio and told KJN that my job was to wait with all of the vehicles and make sure no one messed with the trailer and stuff. I was kind of irritated...I knew it was going to take me a while to get up the trail, and I didn't see any reason why I needed to stay behind--everything was locked up.

So I hobbled angrily back to the durango and sat there for a little while just listening to the radio chatter from everyone heading up the trail. Soon, however, they were out of range, and I was alone with my thoughts. First, I imagined myself out there on the trail with all of you, and thought to myself what a wuss I was being for not sucking it up and hiking the trail...I felt irritated at myself for listening to good advice and resting my injury.

After a series of self-negative thoughts I realized that I needed to change my state of being if I wanted to have a successful day. I decided to make a video blog which I'll be posting soon--that cleared my head enough to realize I had a great opportunity to prepare myself for next Saturday. I got out the curriculum (which I brought with me on a hunch that I might have time to look through it), and I started visualizing EVERY move...even a simple down block in a front stance. After imagining myself going through all of the forms, kickboxing curriculum, kicking combos, and more, BKJN Dan finally came out of the trail entrance alone. At that point, I finally realized he wanted me to be alone and reflect more on what i was thinking and feeling. I am glad he ordered me to stay behind.

I was feeling much more positive, and ready to get started on the trail. I started up as many of the coaches were on their way back down, and I met up with Molly. She decided to walk back up with me, and off we went. The walk up the trail was two hours of hobbling, stopping to take a quick rest, and me denying persistent offers for help from Molly. I was rather cold because I could not move very fast. Walking on the uneven ground was painful, as it caused my boot to twist around in awkward directions. Going downhill was extremely difficult and a little scary. I was very determined to make it all the way up without using my crutches, and denied the suggestion from Molly many times. (She was very patient with how stubborn I was being.) However, after an hour of the uneven rocky ground, my ankle was throbbing and in a lot of pain--I finally decided to start using the crutches. This is when I realized that trying to go on the hike with all of you would have been a very stupid decision.

I crutched the rest of the way to the spot where we had the fire walk, and kept my foot off the ground. Throughout the trail, we were passed multiple times by BKJN, KJN, and the coaches. I felt like I was never going to get there. I did not want to stop and rest or slow down, despite the encouragement from Molly to do so--if I stopped, I didn't know if I could convince myself to keep going. After a while, we met up with BSBN Cory who walked the rest of the way with us, offering added support. When I finally got to the picnic table two hours after I started, i was so ready for an ice pack and lunch, but I was still being stubborn, and Molly, Chelsey, and Cory had to convince me to sit down and let them help me.

After lunch and some ice, it was time to condition. BSBN Cory put me through an intense upper body workout...we actually used the gallons of oil as weights, and the picnic table for plyo-push-ups, dips, and more. The combination of crutching up the trail, and the upper body workout that Cory designed for me has left me extremely sore in my arms, lats, back, and abs. I told him I wanted to make sure I was working as hard as all of you, and he came up with all sorts of grueling exercises for me to go through. I started off alone...a little awkward at first with an audience of people I knew, as well as passers-by who seemed a little confused. However, Chelsea and Jenalyn jumped in and started working out with me, becoming my team for the activity.

I rested a little after the workout, and then decided to walk around and look at the hot springs with Daniella, Chelsea, and Jenalyn. Unimpressed, we walked back to the picnic area to find that Danny Pharr had shown up. We chatted for a short while, and then I got started directing everyone in getting the site ready for when you all got there. In order to modify the requirement for the day, I was given the responsibility of helping BKJN make sure the firewalk went well. The day before yesterday, I helped him secure firewood, gather other supplies, and get extra food for anyone who may not have brought enough. Yesterday, I directed the coaches who came along in clearing the picnic table for your arrival, clearing the fire-site for Danny to rake, and helping get the wood ready to burn.

You all showed up shortly after we had finished preparing the firewood and lit a small fire to keep warm. The fire-walk was amazing, and the things we discussed and the commitments we made had me thinking a lot about what more I can do to improve the world. The wheel barrow ride down the trail was a little embarrassing at first, but I soon got over that as I realized how much BSBN Cory, BSBN Kevin, CGN Christopher, and soon-to-be CGN Darius care for my well-being. Because of their efforts, I got down that trail in the dark without risk of further injury.

On the way home last night, I realized something important: my test was just as hard as yours. I know you all walked a half marathon and went through a lot together, but I went through my test without you, and I think that made it just as challenging. We have trained together for 9 months--we have done many challenging things with each other, and given each other support. Yesterday, I didn't have all of you to rely on. I did have others, but they were not my team, they are not testing next weekend, and they have not shared what we have shared. I appreciate everything they did for me, and it did help me get through the day, but it was not the same as having all of you surrounding and supporting me with the sense of camaraderie that develops when a group of people have accomplished what we have as a team.

I am very proud of all of you for what you did yesterday. I am also proud of myself.