*sigh*

Very trying evening... Self defense portion of class was a killer and I spent most of the times on forms fighting my blood sugar dropping. I just wanted to go sit down and sweat in a pool all by myself, but I didn't... I just figured I'm past the point of giving up.

I'm honestly exhausted in every sense of the word. My body is tapped out, I got home too late to really eat any kind of real dinner, I finished dishes at 10:30pm, I still have laundry to do if I don't want the laundry basket to drop and kill some unsuspecting family member as they walk by, I have to work 9 hrs tomorrow before kickboxing in the afternoon, the house is long past under control, and quite honestly, I'm really trying to remember why I even wanted to do this in the first place.

I'm in the best shape I've ever been in, but there's something to do all of the time for testing. Literally every day and I just wish I'd done this when I was a kid before I had real life responsibilities that won't wait for me to get done with whatever sweaty event I've got going on next.

I see people get their black belts and then rarely return. I can see why, really. I understand it's an all consuming process, but you really have zero life outside of the process. It burns you out to a point that you end up having to get away from it for a really long time just to reorient yourself to a life that doesn't involve sweating and being so tired you could drop.

Sorry to be a downer, and I'm sure it all will look better tomorrow, but I've hit burn out. I want to care, but I'm finding it really hard. And I don't want to end up getting so burnt out on it that I don't want to do it after we finally reach October. I've worked too hard to stop, and I know if I do, I'll never go back to it, so I have to continue. How do people get around that?